So at what point did someone else become the master of my physical AND spiritual realm? At what point did I give up the authority in my own life – that I know best – to some new age douchebag wearing a mandarin-collared indian-bought gown and a pair of rayban sunglasses? At what point did *that* become a goal for spirituality? Not only am “I” not represented with that group of leaders but me as a fat, educated, lower to middle income class earner I am *definitely* not represented by those that claim to know what is best for my spiritual morale. At what point did I allow myself to feel less than worthy because I’m not the happy glowing being of sunhood and rainbowdom and I don’t want to add unicorn stickers to all the telephone polls?
Let me save the trouble of spending $1000’s of dollars on spiritual products, books and b.s. This is a summary of every new age hippy dippy b.s. spiritual book ever.
Summary of Every New Age Spiritual Book Written Ever.
Bad Idea: I watch the movie Dad, which (save for his breakdown thinking he has a family in Jersey) pretty much mirror’s my mom’s stint in the hospital where she almost died last year. Needless to say I spent most of the movie crying, but it was still pretty cool because my mom was there to cry with me at this stupid stupid movie. Ironically, my dad had already gone to bed.
So in this film? Ethan Hawke, Ted Danson, Jack Lemmon and Kevin Spacey. Reminded me of Kevin Spacey doing Jack Lemmon in the Star Wars audition reels. Fabulous.
Generally – feeling pretty grateful for everything. I may have extra weight on my body, be currently jobless, and be a bit of a nutter, but my family is pretty frickin cool.. and I’m lucky to spend these days with them.
I realized- embarrassingly- that last month it has been 10 years that I’ve been single.
Not without some encounters (good/ bad/ indifferent) along the way, but without someone that I would call “long-term boyfriend”… It hasn’t been a decade without other accomplishments though- I decided to quit a job to return full-time to school, travelled overseas (NZ, Fiji, Australia, Germany, London, and a couple trips to New York + others), I’ve gotten my degree, I’ve moved to a new town and found a job and kept that job for five years, while being promoted along the way, I’ve learned a few other things (partial German, how to crochet), written/ directed a short film, helped on others. I’ve taken my Reiki levels, reflexology, and am now unemployed (by choice) with looking at a WTF and HTF am I going to define myself in the next 10 years (G-d willing of course).
So I thought about this whole being single thing – what it means ‘socially’ and what it means for me. I had a bit of a thought wave – what if I was one of those people who would never marry – a spinster/ a bachelorette – and that is just what is determined? Apart from the feeling sorry for myself (as that would happen) what else is there to being single? Would my life’s course, or what I want to do with my life, change in anyway?